


Always there

by onlesbesoins



Series: Always there [1]
Category: Degrassi: Next Class
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 05:49:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11224626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlesbesoins/pseuds/onlesbesoins
Summary: Things were perfect between Rasha and Zoe until they weren't.  Rasha's memories of Syria come back and threaten to break what they've created





	1. Chapter 1

_She was ten when the war started, just a little girl with golden curls and wide dark eyes. She had_ head _of the term “Arab Spring” on TV and from her father. He was a professor at the University_ in _Aleppo, one of the Al-Assad family’s quiet critics. The news of the boys arrested and tortured in Deraa quickly made their way to the_ Zuabi _family. For the next two_ weeks _ten-year-old Rasha and fifteen-year-old Hassan were taught at home by a tutor._  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The slam of the locker down the hall made her jump, a soft gasp escaping her lips. Shit. She hated it when that happened. She hated being scared. It wasn’t often that she felt like this, but when she did it took forever for her to shake the feeling. Feeling her phone vibrate in her pocket, a small ghost of a smile crossed her face and she pulled it out. Zoe. She quickly replied to her and went to their usual meeting spot, under the stairs. Pulling out her headphones, Rasha sat down and started to flip through her phone. There weren’t a whole lot of people from home on Facerange or Hastygram anymore, so she looked through the older pictures. Pictures of her friends at the beach, pictures of them wearing their school unifroms…a solitary tear rolled down her cheek. The memories from the past were happy for the most part and she would be lying if she said she didn’t miss being back in Syria.

Her heart stopped when the shadow loomed over her. With a quick jerk of her hands, Rasha tugged the headphones from her ears with a gasp.

“Hey.” Zoe said softly, sitting down like she was approaching a scared animal. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” She said, sitting down beside the other girl. Her hands twisted in her lap as she looked at the curly haired girl with a soft gentle look.

“I am okay.” Rasha said softly, sliding over to make space for the dark-haired girl. “I am sorry, I know you are busy and you are wasting your free time here.” Her heart rate started to slow and she smiled at Zoe.

Zoe stared at her girlfriend. God, did she love Rasha. Like, seriously. She was so perfect in so many different ways. She loved her bright smile, the way she seemed to get the attention of everyone in the room…she could go on and on. “I’m never wasting my time when I’m with you.” Zoe said wrapping an arm around the other girl’s waist.  
Smiling, Rasha rested her head against the other girl’s shoulder. It had been a long week for her, it was the beginning of Ramadan, the Muslim month of fasting, and besides her anxiety being high, she was tired and hungry. Zoe softly ran her fingers over her girlfriend’s arm. She wasn’t sure what was bothering Rasha, but she could feel it was something. “What are you doing tonight?” She asked, her voice low as she adjusted their position and held Rasha in her arms.

“Probably going to go home and try to sleep a bit before going to the mosque, and break fast. I do not think that I am feeling up to going back to the mosque for the evening prayer.” Rasha said, her fingers playing with her girlfriend’s. She stayed silent for a few minutes before looking up at Zoe. “Do you want to join us? I mean, I know that Mr. and Mrs. Nahir are going to be leaving on a business trip after the late prayers, so we can have the whole weekend to…just hang out.” She offered softly.  
Zoe nodded, and kissed Rasha’s forehead. “I would love to.” She said softly. “But I ate breakfast, so is it like disrespectful that someone who hasn’t fasted is there?”

A soft smile appeared on Rasha’s face and she shook her head. “No, not at all.” The bell rang and Rasha sat up with a sigh. “Just be sure to bring a long sleeved shirt and either pants or a long skirt.”

“And pyjamas and a change of clothes for tomorrow.” Zoe chimed in, helping her girlfriend to her feet.

“That too.” The fair-haired girl leaned in and pressed a soft kiss on Zoe’s lips. “I will see you tonight?”

Zoe nodded. “How about we meet after school and then we can drive to the Nahir’s together?” She offered, walking down the hallway with Rasha.

“That sounds great. I will see you then.” Rasha fluttered a soft kiss on Zoe’s cheek before peeling off to her class, leaving the President to head to hers.  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
_It was the day before her 11th birthday when her father went missing. They all held out hope that he would return home. They knew who had taken him, Al-Assad’s goons. They were the same ones that were slaughtering people in the streets and using gas to clear areas. Packing up everything they could carry, the remaining_ Zuabis _slipped out of their house in the middle of the night. The scent of burning flesh, chlorine and sulfur hung heavy in the air…_  
. . . . . . . . . .

That smell, she had smelled it before. Jerking up, her eyes open and wild, Rasha searched around the science lab, her heart hammering in her chest. Their teacher, Mr. Baldwin looked at her in confusion, the match he had used smoking in his hand, the chlorine mixture sitting on top of the Bunsen burner. “Are you okay, Miss Zuabi?”  
“F-Fine.” Rasha said quietly, sitting back down in her seat. Because of the war, and spending time in the refugee camp, she had been able to take her core classes at grade level, but not electives like chemistry. Frankie and Lola gave her soft smiles. “You get used to the smell.” The blue haired girl said gently. “Once we all start the experiment, he’ll turn on the fan.” Her small hand shot up in the air. “Mr. Baldwin, since Rasha is new here can we be a group of three?” She asked brightly. Hearing no complaint, she grinned. “And we can help.”

Slumping down, Rasha nodded. She closed her eyes and tried to clear the vision from her head of the burning bodies, the sound of the screaming men and women, and the smell of torched flesh. She swallowed hard, swallowing the quickly rising bile in her throat.

Frankie glanced over at the girl and grabbed her elbow and quickly pulled her from the room leaving Lola to give a reason. Heading into the nearest washroom, Rasha emptied her already partially empty stomach with a few heaves and emerged from the stall pale and sweaty.

“Do you want me to find Goldi…or Zoe?” Frankie asked as she sat on the sink, gently dabbing an errant bead of sweat off the girl’s forehead.

“No. I will be fine.” Rasha said quickly. _I always am._

Nodding, Frankie hopped off and washed her hands, waiting for Rasha to do the same. She fished a piece of gum out of her purse and handed it to the girl. “Lola and I can do the lab, we’re pretty good at science. You don’t have to if you don’t want to…we’ll still put your name on it.”

Rasha smiled and followed Frankie back to the classroom, but not before she placed some solid perfume under her nose to block the heavy scent of death that she had smelled before.


	2. Chapter 2

Zoe waited in the front entrance for Rasha.  Her girlfriend was usually the punctual one.  She was not, but apparently, today was a day of firsts.  When she spotted Rasha, she was surrounded by Lola and Frankie, much to Zoe’s dismay.  

“Hey, is everything okay?”  She asked, her eyebrows approaching her hairline. 

Frankie left Rasha’s side with a soft squeeze of her hand and walked over to Zoe.  “She’s okay.”  Frankie said softly, pulling Zoe off to the side.  “She got sick in chemistry class, but she seems to be okay now.”  The younger girl said, glancing over her shoulder at Lola and Rasha.  “I’m not sure, maybe it was the smell or something.”

Nodding, Zoe thanked the two girls before rushing to her girlfriend’s side.  “Are you okay, honey?”  She asked, her voice laced with concern.  

Rasha gave Zoe a smile and nodded.  “I am okay.”  She replied softly.  “I would like to go home and maybe take a nap.  I did not sleep very well last night.”

“Whatever you need,”  Zoe said, wrapping her arm around Rasha’s waist and holding her close.  Pressing her lips to the slightly shorter girl’s forehead, she was happy that she wasn’t running a fever.  Besides being run down, thankfully there didn’t seem to be a whole lot wrong with Rasha.  They walked to Zoe’s car and climbed in, heading in silence to the actress’s house.  “I’ll be a few minutes.  Do you want to come in or wait in the car?”

“I’ll just wait.”  Rasha replied softly, fogging up the window and writing in flowing Arabic script in the steam.  She turned and gave Zoe a wide smile.  

“Should I grab a scarf?”  She asked before exiting the car.

“No, I have one for you.”  Rasha said before turning back and writing the three distinct letters over and over again.

Once Zoe had gathered her stuff for overnight and explained where she was going to Mrs. Cardinal, they drove the short distance to the Nahir’s and climbed up the stairs to Rasha’s room.  It was simple with a double bed in the corner, a desk with a pile of sketches and watercolours, a laptop and an overstuffed chair.  Rasha grabbed her pajamas and gave Zoe a blushing smile.  “I…will go change in the washroom.”  She said pointing to the adjoining door.  “Feel free to change into something comfortable.”   
Slipping into the washroom, Rasha pulled on a pair of Capri style pajama pants and a long sleeved shirt.  Waiting a few moments, she came out and smiled at Zoe who had changed into shorts and a tank top.  “I still get cold.”  She explained.  Dropping her clothes off in the hamper, Rasha climbed into bed and motioned for Zoe to do the same.  “I am sure you are not tired.”  She said softly.  “But maybe you will lay with me while I sleep?”  Rasha’s ears were tinged with red.  Zoe grinned and climbed into the bed beside her girlfriend.  Rasha made herself comfortable and wrapped her arms around Zoe’s slight midsection and closed her eyes with a heavy sigh.  Within a few minutes her breathing had evened out and her body had relaxed.  Zoe pulled out her phone and read it with one hand, her other hand raking through Rasha’s curls softly.  She wasn’t sure when they were supposed to leave to go to the mosque, or what was happening next, so Zoe just sat there, her back against the headboard as she held her girlfriend in her arms.  About an hour had passed when the bathroom door flew open and Zoe knew that Goldi was home.

“Rasha, you won’t believe what happened at school.  So, you know how we’re studying quadratic equations in math?  Of course you do, you’re in math before me, anyway, we were working on our projects and Zig and Esme were too busy playing footsie or whatever to pay attention and one of them, my money is on Zig knocked over their coke and it spilled all down my shirt and -“ Her rant was cut off when she looked up and spotted an amused looking Zoe sitting on the bed, her one arm around Rasha, the other one holding her phone.  “Oh hi, Zoe.  I didn’t know you would be here.”

“Obviously,”  Zoe replied with a slight chuckle.  Rasha moaned softly and Zoe held her breath until the other girl fell back asleep.  “Rasha called your parents and they said it was okay if I came to prayers with you guys and then to…iftar?”  She whispered. 

Goldi sat down on the chair by Rasha’s bed and watched the two girls in silence for a few moments before clearing her throat.  “My parents said it was okay that you could come?”

“Mmmhmm,”  Zoe whispered, her fingers tenderly raking through Rasha’s curls.  “I doubt she told your parents that I’m her girlfriend, but yes, they said it’s okay.”

After a few more minutes of silence, Goldi spoke again.  “Are you okay with it?  I mean, being introduced as her friend from school instead of girlfriend.”

Shrugging, Zoe looked down at the girl sleeping in her arms.  “I would love to be introduced as her girlfriend, but I get it.  I understand where she’s coming from and I would never ever fault her for feeling that way.  I love her for who she is, and I always will.”  Zoe answered simply.  “Do you mind coming in and getting us up about an hour and a half before we have to go?”  She asked the other girl.

“Sure.”  Goldi got up and watched the two girls before turning to Zoe.  “You’re good for her y’know.  At first, when I learned that you two were dating, I was scared for Rasha.  But…you’re good for her.”

Zoe smiled down at Rasha and then up at Goldi.  “Thanks.  I love her…and I’m in love with her.”  She said simply before turning back to her reading.  It wasn’t a grand declaration of their love, but instead, a simple statement that carried so much weight.

“Okay.”  Goldi replied heading back to her room in silence.

Rasha woke up before Goldi had to knock on the door, though it took her a while before she fully awoke and moved.  For the first time in a long time, she slept dreamlessly and restfully.  A small sigh slipped from her lips as she felt Zoe softly massage her curls.  Zoe looked down at her and smiled, leaning down and kissing her softly.  Rasha glanced at her phone and sighed.  “We still have plenty of time.”  She whispered.  “Do you mind continuing?”  It was calming, under Zoe’s touch, and she smiled when Zoe put down her phone and gently started to massage her head.  After about 10-15 minutes Rasha reluctantly got up and went to the washroom, changing into a pair of leggings and a long tunic top.  Zoe took the time to change into a pair of long cotton pants and a flowy shirt.  Rasha grinned and quickly wrapped Zoe up in a tight hug.  “I am so glad that you are coming.”  She whispered, pulling away enough to place a soft kiss on Zoe’s lips.  

“Me too,”  Zoe replied with a smile.  They stood there, tangled in each other, their lips and tongues meeting gently, their hands exploring tentatively over their covered bodies.  Hearing the knock at the door, Rasha pulled away quickly and rushed to open it.  She spoke in hushed tones and nodded, shutting the door again.  “We are going to leave in about 15 minutes.”  She explained softly.  “I will go make wudu and then I will help you with your hijab.”  At Zoe’s confused look, Rasha smiled and walked over to her, and gave her a soft kiss.  “Just come with me and I will show you.”  Heading to the shared washroom, Rasha made sure all the doors were locked before pulling out what looked like a watering can and filled it with water.  “Wudu is the cleaning we do before prayer.  I’ve already broken mine from this morning…twice.”  She said with a shrug.  She quickly washed, including her face before drying herself off with a smile.  “Now let’s get you ready.”  Rasha walked over to her dresser and opened it, searching through the pile of scarves she had before finding the pieces she was looking for.  “Sit down.”  She ordered gently, laughing when Zoe dropped onto the floor beside her bed.  Rasha got to work and first put on the undercap, taking care to gently tuck all of Zoe’s hair underneath.  Seeing her neck so bare and uncovered, Rasha took a deep breath before she broke her wudu again.  Taking the scarf, Rasha draped it over her girlfriend’s head and worked hard at tucking and pinning it.  She could make the scarf beautiful on other people, just not on herself.  Once she had finished, she gave Zoe a smile.  “You look beautiful.”  She whispered, letting Zoe get to her feet and look at herself in the mirror.  Rasha had chosen a white undercap with gemmed embellishments, and a white and silver scarf.  She had pinned it in such a way that on the side it looked like Zoe had a flower on it.

“It’s…amazing, Rasha.”

“It was my mother’s.”  Rasha said quietly as she quickly did her own hijab with less caring and effort.  She wore a plain black undercap and hijab.  Hearing the Nahirs downstairs, she grabbed Zoe’s hand.  “Come, we should go.”  She grabbed two rolled up carpets by the front of the door as they walked out, Rasha dropping Zoe’s hand near the bottom of the stairs and quickly introduced the Nahirs to Zoe.  Baaz smiled at the president but didn’t say anything as the now group of six headed outside.   
“Why don’t the girls all go together?”  Mrs. Nahir suggested.  “Then if there is enough room, Baaz can ride back with them and we can head out directly from the masjid.”  
    
Rasha looked at Goldi, who honestly looked like she would rather be tied and quartered before driving to the mosque with Rasha and Zoe, but she agreed none the less.  The drive was surprisingly silent for the most of the drive, Zoe’s nervous energy keeping her from talking, and something keeping Goldi from doing the same.  They pulled up to the mosque and climbed out, Zoe tugging nervously at her shirt.  “You’re sure this is okay?”  She whispered to Rasha.  The light haired girl smiled and brushed her knuckles over the back of Zoe’s hand before pulling away.  “It is fine.”

Zoe had never been to a mosque before and she followed Rasha and Goldi, taking off her shoes at the front and holding the carpet in her hands.  “It’s a prayer mat.”  Rasha whispered.  They lined up near the back and Zoe thankfully was put between Goldi and Rasha.  “Just follow.”

A soft chanting rose through the group, separated male and female, and Zoe fought the urge to look around, instead, she waited to see what she was to do.

The prayer was easy enough to follow.  Up, lean forward, kneel, face to the ground, kneel, stand up again.  She didn’t understand the words, but there was a sense of calm over the group and Zoe was just proud to be a part of it.  Once they were finished, Zoe sat on her knees and listened to someone speak.  It was very much like the sermon in a Catholic church and Zoe listened attentively.  The smell of food wafted in the room and she blushed at the sound of her stomach growling.  Once finished, they were lead to another part of the mosque to eat.  Dates were passed out, much to the chagrin of Rasha, to break fast.

“I hate dates.”  She mumbled softly, “But it is tradition.”

Zoe ate her date in silence and sat down beside Rasha and Baaz, watching as Mrs. Nahir filled her plate full of food. 

“We are so happy that you could come, Zoe.  Rasha has spoken so highly of you.”  She said with a soft smile.  “It is great that Rasha has such a good friend.”

Glancing at Rasha, infinitely thankful that the hijab covered her ears, Zoe nodded and picked up a fork and started to eat.  After a couple of platefuls, Zoe reached under the table and took Rasha’s hand while everyone finished up.  

Rasha grabbed the prayer mats and waited for Baaz and Goldi to say goodbye to their parents, as Zoe pulled the car around.  Everyone piled in and headed back to the Nahirs, the two girls heading up to Rasha’s room.  The silence that surrounded them was comfortable and calming.  If this is what their relationship was to be, and only this, Zoe would be happy.  She gave Rasha a wide smile, squeezing her hand as they walked up the stairs.


	3. Chapter 3

Zoe snuck a glance at Rasha as they laid on her bed watching RENT. The other girl sipped her bottle of water silently, and ate the snacks that she had brought up. Both girls were changed in their respective pajamas, a blanket wrapped around their bodies. 

Zoe moved fast, she always did. As a kid she always had to be the first to try anything new, and things didn’t change. When she was cast on West Drive, she was the youngest on the show, but that didn’t stop her from doing everything the older actors did. Drink, smoke, do drugs, have sex…Zoe Rivas did it all. Things were fast with Miles, and just as fast with Drew, hell, she fooled around with Zig just for revenge. With Rasha things were so so different. Things were slow and she was happy with it. She was happy with the light kisses, and the brushes of hands. She was happy with the stolen smiles and soft touches. She was happy with it all.

“What time do you have to get up?” She asked, watching Rasha go grab another water bottle and slowly drink it. 

The smaller girl looked at her phone and sighed. “Well, I have to eat before 345.” She said with a shrug. “Goldi and I usually stay up and watch friends, eating.” Fighting a yawn, Rasha rubbed her eyes.

“Why don’t we catch a few hours of sleep and then we can eat again…and then go back to sleep.” Zoe offered with a laugh. It was Friday so she could ideally spend all weekend with her girlfriend. 

Nodding, Rasha turned off her laptop and the lamp beside her, curling up against Zoe. Zoe smiled to herself in the dark, thankfully in those few hours Rasha spent napping, Zoe had researched what the best suhur meal was and she was willing to drag her as out of bed at 3am to make it.

. . . . . . . 

Zoe’s alarm went off at 245am and she stifled a groan. This time, even last year, Zoe Rivas would be just going to bed, not getting up. Silently sneaking out of bed, Zoe padded down to the kitchen and turned on one light before opening the fridge. Thankfully the Nahirs were well stocked. She had read that protein was important as well as fruit and lots of fluids. She started to grab vegetables and chopped them up for some omelets before taking out fruit for a fruit tray. The vegetables were already softening in the pan when she heard heavy footsteps and she looked over, seeing Baaz staring at her. His hair was disheveled and he wore a rumpled t-shirt and a pair of flannel pants. The two stared at each other in a Mexican stand off before Baaz slumped on the chair and looked at the food. 

“Any of this for me?”

“Doubt Rasha will be able to eat it all.” Zoe said softly, adding eggs to one of the pans and quickly made an omelet for the other teen.

“You know that you don’t have to do this. Rasha likes you for you.” He said as he started to eat the fruit she had cut up.

A few minutes later the sound of soft footsteps made Zoe turn around and she smiled seeing Rasha and Goldi come into the kitchen. Rasha gave her a soft smile, walking over and wrapping her arms around her midsection. “You did not need to do this.” She whispered, her face pressed into Zoe’s neck and chest. Zoe wrapped her arms around Rasha and kissed her curls tenderly. After a few long seconds they pulled apart and Zoe smiled. “Go sit.” She ordered gently. Turning to Goldi, she blinked a few times seeing her long hair pulled in a top bun.

“I don’t have to wear my hijab around other girls.” Goldi explained without Zoe asking the question. “And Baaz doesn’t count.” Looking at the food on the table, she looked back at Zoe. “You did this?”

Nodding, Zoe plated the omelets and went and turned on the blender, making smoothies. She brought the four smoothies to the table and sat down beside Rasha. “I read about fasting and they said that having protein and stuff that rehydrates…” She shrugged and took some of the fruit and half of the omelet. “I hope you aren’t upset.” 

Rasha blinked a few times while eating some fruit before looking at Zoe. “Of course not.”

Baaz nodded in agreement, grabbing a smoothie. “Maybe you can stay here more often.”

Both girls blushed and Rasha ducked her head and ate some of the chopped fruit. Her hand found Zoe’s under the table and she softly rubbed the back of her hand with her thumb as she ate. The four ate in relative silence, mostly because it was 3am. 

“We should pray.” Goldi said trying to cover a yawn. Rasha nodded and stood up. “Pray, then bed again.” She said pressing a kiss to Zoe’s hair. Baaz groaned, but went and followed the girls who quickly pulled on one piece hijabs. Zoe sat off to the side and watched as Goldi and Rasha lined up behind Baaz. Zoe didn’t know what they were saying, but it was calming none the less. The prayer was shorter this time around and soon Rasha folded up her hijab and gave Zoe a smile. “Let’s take the smoothies upstairs.” She said walking back into the kitchen. “We will do the dishes when we wake up.”

Grabbing two smoothies, the girls headed back upstairs. Rasha alternated between sipping her smoothie and drinking water until she was finished both and an alarm went off. She yawned and relaxed back in bed. “You did not have to do all of that for us…but it was amazing.” Rasha said softly as she cuddled up in bed. Zoe grinned and wrapped her arms around Rasha’s middle and laid down beside her. 

“I know, but I wanted to.”

They laid like that until the sun breeched over the horizon and they both fell asleep.

. . . . . . . . . .

Rasha woke up around 10 and silently slipped from the bed. She looked at Zoe and couldn’t help but smile. Padding silently over to her desk, Rasha wrote a quick note and left it on the bed beside Zoe before leaving the room. Things were happening so fast that it was making her head spin. In Syria, regardless how things were before the war, she would still be in hiding. Homosexuality was illegal in Syria, described as “acts against nature.” Opening her laptop, she logged into FaceRange and read through some messages before starting her routine of searching for friends. She knew where a few of them were, but there were still more missing. Amina was in Seattle with her mother and her little sister. Nudba was in Nova Scotia with her family. Mona was in London; she was one of the lucky ones that had left before the war. Her friends were scattered around the globe, but even more were still unaccounted for. She sat continuing her search in silence until she felt a warm body sit next to her. She smiled when Zoe wrapped her arms around her and rested her chin on her shoulder.

“Morning.” Rasha whispered, turning and giving her girlfriend a smile.

“Morning.” Zoe replied, her voice still gravelly and thick with sleep. “What are you doing?” She asked softly, reaching up and running her fingers through Rasha’s hair.

“Seeing if anyone more from home is on facerange.” Rasha replied softly. 

The silence was thick and heavy. Zoe leaned down and kissed Rasha’s head. “I’m sorry.” There was nothing more to say. As much as Zoe tried she didn’t understand where Rasha was coming from, and Rasha never wanted her to. It was hard coming to a new country, fitting into the new customs and expectations, but it was even harder, carrying the baggage that Rasha had. She nodded and leaned against Zoe. “Do you want to talk about it?” Zoe asked quietly. 

Rasha shrugged and closed her laptop. “I am sure that you have more questions than I have explanations.” She said softly. “Why don’t you ask a few questions and I will try to answer them the best that I can.”

Zoe chewed on the inside of her cheek and looked at Rasha. She had tons of questions but she wasn’t sure how to approach them.

“How were things in Syria?” Zoe asked softly. “Like before the war?”

Rasha placed her laptop on the coffee table and looked at her girlfriend. “Well, things were not perfect, but it was good. People in Syria are…were educated. My father was a professor in Aleppo. We had fun, we were able to go to the beaches on weekends.” She shrugged. “Not like Canada, but it was good.”

“And then the war.”

Nodding, Rasha shifted so she was eye to eye with Zoe. “Then the war. My father got taken in the middle of the night. He and his friends were against Al-Assad. No one has heard from them since.” She said quietly. “And our family was targeted so we left.” Her demeanour became more and more closed off as she spoke. “The military turned against the people and they used chemical weapons…” Her hands started to shake, her eyes closing. “We left with what we could carry. I took pictures of old family pictures before…I am so glad I did.” Rasha’s hands opened and closed into tight fists as she fought through the memories that were flooding back. “We went to Jordan…to the Zaatari refugee camp.” Her face wrinkled up as the scents flooded her mind and body. Too many unwashed bodies in too small of a place, the smell of sweat, dirt, and body fluids. “My brother…her left one night. He and his friends…we know where they went, but we do not know where they are now. They went to fight we the anti-government forces.” Her eyes opened, red rimmed and filled with tears. “And then my mother got cholera from drinking the water at the camp.” Her face was wet with tears, and she looked at Zoe. “I got to come to Canada…because I was…I am alone.”

Zoe wrapped her arms around Rasha, at a loss for words. Holding her girlfriend tight, she rubbed her back softly. “Were alone, Rasha. You aren’t anymore.”


	4. Chapter 4

“So you slept together?” Grace asked, giving Zoe a smirk. The two were sitting cross legged on Grace’s bed, watching some random horror movie Grace had put on.  
“Yes. But no.” Zoe said shaking her head. “We slept, in the same bed, but that’s all we did.” She said picking up a handful of popcorn and chewing it slowly. “I went to the mosque with Rasha and the Nahirs and then we broke fast…” She sighed deeply and gave Grace a soft smile. “Honestly, it was more intimate than sex. I mean, I really got to see…see Rasha’s life. And then we got up at 3 to make breakfast, well, I got up to make breakfast for her.” 

A soft glow covered Zoe’s face and she looked more at peace than Grace had ever seen her before. 

“It sounds like an…enlightening weekend.” Grace provided. She wanted Zoe to be happy. High school wasn’t a good time for Zoe, that much was true, and Grace felt guilty that she was part of the reason. “I’m glad you found Rasha.”

Zoe turned and gave Grace a smile. “It was nice. It was…” It was rare that Zoe was at a loss for words, but with Rasha, she found that feeling more often than not.  
…..  
Videos of the war flashed across the screen. They were studying human rights abuses in history, so it wasn’t a far stretch for them to research Syria. But for Rasha it brought back too many memories. Her eyes were glued to the screen, the video of Omran Daqneesh sitting in the ambulance, dust and blood covering his face. The small body of Alan Kurdi washed up on shore. The chlorine gas the Al-Assad government used on its own people. Mass executions. Children no older than 10 holding guns and placing them against the back of the heads of men wearing hoods. The wave of humanity stuck against walls, trying to find somewhere to be free. She started to sweat. Cold, hard beads of sweat rolled down her back. Slamming her eyes closed, she fisted the material of her long shirt as she tried to take deep calming breaths. The sound of her blood pumping filled her ears, and the room started to spin. Pain washed over her and she clutched her abdomen.

“Rasha? Rasha?”

Goldi sounded like she was under water. Rasha opened her eyes and stared at Goldi, her hazel eyes wide with fear and confusion. 

Why was she on the ground? Why was she so cold?

Struggling to sit up, she felt hands holding her down. 

“Rasha, stay still. We’ve called a nurse.”

A nurse? Why were they calling a nurse? Rasha stared up at Goldi who seemed to be talking a mile a minute. One of the nurses on staff rushed in and the crowd, minus Goldi, moved out of the way. 

The nurse quickly checked her vitals. Heart rate 150 bpm. Extremities cold and clammy. Face flushed. Breathing rapid. The ambulance was called.  
…..

Zoe was in calculus class, fighting through some quadratic equations when her phone went off. Once. Twice. Three times. People were starting to stare at her as her phone kept vibrating.

“Miss Rivas?”

Glancing up, Zoe saw Principal Simpson standing at the doorway with Grace. Why was he standing with Grace and why did she look panicked? 

Principal Simpson stepped in and spoke with hushed tones to the teacher who nodded. “Zoe, please grab your stuff and go with Principal Simpson.” He said giving the girl a sympathetic smile. 

Zoe shoved her books in her bag and headed out to meet Principal Simpson and Grace. “What’s wrong?” She asked looking between the two of them.

“It’s Rasha.” Grace said softly, reaching out and holding her best friend’s arm. “She…collapsed in class. Goldi is with her and the nurse. She’s going to go to the hospital.”

Zoe wasn’t sure how much she heard after Rasha collapsed. Hiking her bag higher up on her shoulder, she looked at Grace, panic in her eyes. “Take me.” She demanded as the two started to run down the hall. They were there quickly and Zoe dropped to her knees beside Rasha.

“Miss Rivas, you need to take a step back.” The nurse said sternly, putting her hand on Zoe’s shoulder.

“She’s my girlfriend.” Zoe snapped, gently taking Rasha’s cold hand. 

Principal Simpson rushed in and gave the nurse a small nod. “Zoe will step back if she’s interfering with anything.” He said looking down at the brunette who was on her knees beside Rasha. Zoe nodded, but kept her eyes trained on her girlfriend. 

The ambulance came and Zoe stepped aside as they ran vitals on Rasha and strapped her onto the spine board. She looked so small and fragile.

“I’m coming with her.”

“Miss, unless you’re family…”

Turning on her heel, Rasha grabbed Goldi and Grace, dragging the two girls out of the class and down the hall. 

“Where are we going?” Goldi asked, trying to straighten her hijab as Zoe walked faster than anyone should be able to in heels.

“To the hospital. I’m sure they’ve already called your parents since they’re her legal guardians.” Zoe said letting go of their hands to fish out her keys. “And you’re her best friend.” Opening the car door, she waited until Goldi climbed in. Looking at Grace, she exhaled loudly. “And you’re my best friend.”

“I know, dummy.” Grace said gathering her up in her arms. She held her best friend and hugged her tightly. “She’s gonna be fine, you know. Rasha is one of the strongest person I know. She survived war to come here, she’s gonna be fine.”

Zoe stayed for a few moments in Grace’s arms and gently brushed the tears in her eyes away. “Thanks, Grace.” She whispered. “Let’s go.”

….

“I. Am. Fine.” Rasha grumbled, struggling to sit up. 

“Miss, please let us do our job.” The paramedic said gently as she took her vital signs. She shook her head at Rasha’s blood pressure and she looked at the girl. “Are you in pain?”

Shrugging, Rasha squirmed. “My stomach kind of hurts.” She said softly. “But I have had it before, when I was in Syria.” Wincing, she laid back on the stretcher. 

“Well, Miss, you still have to go to the hospital.” 

The needle slid under Rasha’s skin and she exhaled softly. Her head was throbbing, and yes, her abdomen hurt, but it was nothing she couldn’t handle. She had been through worse. She tried to relax as they pulled up to the hospital, though her abdomen rocked in pain and her head throbbed.

…..

“Rasha Zuabi.” Zoe said as calmly as she could to the woman working the intake desk at the hospital. “She came in via ambulance from Degrassi High School.”

“Room 19.” The woman said nodding towards the door to her right. 

Zoe nodded and rushed in, her heels clicking as she, Goldi and Grace, rushed through the doors and found room 19.

Rasha was small. Zoe knew that, everyone knew that. Zoe herself was only 5’3 and they were about the same height. But Zoe was more solidly built. Not fat, but her years of dancing and gymnastics left her with a solid body. But not Rasha. The girl was slight, almost to the point of being skinny. In the hospital bed, she looked even smaller. She was wearing a pale blue gown and leaning back on stark white sheets, a cotton blanket pulled up around her chest.

“Rasha.” Zoe whispered coming up to her side, pulling a chair up against the bed.

The fair haired girl opened her eyes and gave Zoe a small smile. “Hi.” She whispered softly. “You three should be in school.” She said quietly. Her voice was shaky, but she put on a smile regardless. “They do not think it is anything serious.”

Zoe arched her eyebrows and ran her fingers through Rasha’s curls. “You wouldn’t be in here if they didn’t think it was serious.” She said leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to her girlfriend’s lips. 

Rasha twisted her hands in the sheets and returned her kiss reluctantly, the tears welling up in her eyes. “I do not want to be here.” She whispered softly. If she was being honest, she was terrified of hospitals. She had spent far too long in the hospitals when the UN came to her and when she came to Canada. Her chin quivered and she stared down at her lap. She wasn’t surprised when she felt the bed sag slightly and she felt two pairs of arms wrapped around her.

“It’s okay.” Goldi said quietly as she rubbed her back softly, meeting Zoe’s eyes over Rasha’s head. Zoe wasn’t her first choice of partners for Rasha. Hell, she was her last choice, but the dark-haired girl proved herself over and over again. Zoe held Rasha tenderly, raking her fingers through the smaller girl’s curls, whispering in her ear. Goldi watched in silence – feeling like she was interrupting a moment between the two of them. She glanced over at Grace who shrugged silently. Goldi climbed off the bed and sat down on one of the chairs beside Grace as they watched their respective best friends in silence. The time seemed to stop in the small room. Rasha and Zoe tangled in each other’s arms, their best friends just outside of their bubble. Rasha only glanced up when the curtain was opened and a doctor walked in.

“Family?” The doctor asked with a soft smile on her lips. The four girls exchanged worried glances but the doctor shook her head as she approached. “I’m just kidding, but I will have to ask you three to leave for a few moments while I speak with Rasha.” She said softly.

Goldi and Grace got to their feet, Grace grabbing Zoe by the wrist. “Come on, dummy.” She said softly, pulling the former actress onto her feet. Rasha followed the girls’ movements with her eyes, waiting for Zoe to look at her. When she did, Rasha gave her a weak smile. “I will be fine, Zo.” She said softly. “Promise.”

Zoe bit down on her lower lip and shook her head. “I know I’m not family, but can I stay? I promise I won’t be a bother.” She looked up at the doctor with pleading eyes. “I just…have to be here.”

The doctor nodded and opened up her file as the other two girls slipped out of the room.


	5. Chapter 5

Rasha wasn’t going to argue with Zoe, she felt calmer having her girlfriend in the room with her. Exhaling softly, she looked up at the doctor, trepidation and fear in her gaze.

“I’m Dr. Lopez.” The doctor said softly, walking up to Rasha. “Rasha, we’re going to have to run some more tests. I’d like to do an ultrasound and a CT.” She explained, sitting down next to Rasha. “Do you know what those are?”

The teen looked between the doctor and her girlfriend who kicked off her heels and slid in beside her.

“I am not pregnant.” Rasha stated with a slight frown. “That is what you use an ultrasound for, no?”

The doctor gave her a soft smile and shook her head. “Well yes, and no.” She stated kindly. “We do use it on expectant mothers, but we also use it to see if there’s anything going on inside.”

“Oh.” Rasha said softly, giving a nod. Zoe was running her fingers through her girlfriend’s curls, listening carefully to what the doctor was saying. “And the CT?” The dark-haired girl asked pressing her lips to Rasha’s temple.

“3-D camera kind of thing.” The doctor said. “Okay Rasha, I’m going to do a physical exam. I just need you to lower the sheet. You can keep the gown on. Miss,” She turned to Zoe. “I’m going to have to ask you to step off, but you can stay in the room.”

Nodding, Zoe slid off the bed, but held Rasha’s hand as the doctor physically manipulated her abdomen, the girl wincing a few times at her touch. Once she was done, Zoe sat back on the bed, pulling Rasha against her while the doctor took a few notes. “Okay, Rasha, I am going to get a nurse in here and they are going to start you on some pain medications and some anti-inflammatories and then we’ll see what the tests tell us.”  
….. ….. ….. …..  
Najima Nahir was a well-educated woman. She held a master of business from the University of Karachi and then a bachelor’s from the University of Toronto. When they had heard about UN orphans and children from the war in Syria were looking for homes in Canada, she and her husband Muhammad applied and they were thankful when Rasha arrived. She fit in well with their family for the most part, and she and Goldi got along instantly. When the phone rang that Rasha was in the hospital she came as quick as she could. Spotting her daughter and another girl in the waiting room, she brushed them both off and opened the door to room 19. Rasha sat on the bed, though with another girl who was tenderly raking her fingers through Rasha’s hair. She watched as Rasha leaned over and pressed her lips against the other girl’s. Standing there, Najima felt like her feet were cemented to the floor until Rasha looked up and their eyes met. The look of fear on Rasha’s face froze Najima to the core and she was quickly by Rasha’s side.

“Rasha,” She said softly sitting on the chair closest to her de-facto daughter. “How are you feeling?” She asked softly, grabbing one of Rasha’s hands. The other reached out and took Zoe’s. She squeezed both hands for a long moment before looking between the girls. “Rasha, you are like a daughter to me and I want you to be comfortable in your home.” She said softly, waiting for Rasha to meet her gaze. “I want you to be you, so please do not hide who you are in our home.” 

A tear ran down Rasha’s cheek, but she was quick to catch it and she brushed it away with the back of her hand. Glancing up, she looked over at Zoe, who was dabbing her eyes. “Auntie,” Rasha said with a sniff. “This is my girlfriend, Zoe Rivas.” She said carefully.

Najima gave the two girls a smile and squeezed their hands. “Hi, Zoe. Thank you for being here with Rasha.” Releasing their hands, she looked back at the girl in the hospital gown. “So how are you feeling, sweetheart?”

Rasha shrugged softly and leaned against Zoe. “Okay. I mean, not great but…” Sighing, she closed her eyes for a few long moments as Zoe ran her fingers through her hair. “I hurt, but I have hurt like this before.”

“And that’s a problem.” Zoe cut in quickly, meeting Najima’s eyes before averting her gaze.

“I agree.” The older woman said with a small shake of her head.

“I also agree.” The curtain opened and a nurse walked in. “I’m Sarah and I’m going to set up your IV so you’ll feel better pretty soon. I have some gravol, some morphine and then some torodal. The gravol and morphine will make you drowsy and probably pretty out of it. The torodal is to bring down some swelling.” The nurse got some things out and looked at Zoe. “You’re going to have to hop off so I can get this IV in.” The nurse tied a blue elastic around Rasha’s forearm and tapped her arm and cleaned it an alcohol swab. “Just a small prick and then we’re good to go. You might want to look away.” She warned Rasha who quickly turned her head and looked at Zoe who took her other hand. It stung when the needle slid into her vein, but once everything was finished, Rasha exhaled softly. “Now I’m going to start the gravol and the morphine. I would let your friends know that it is going to be a long wait, maybe they should get some lunch.”

Rasha blinked a few times as she watched the clear liquids drip into the tube attached to her arm. It wasn’t long until this feeling of warmth washed over her and she wiggled her nose, her eyes heavy and her face flushed. Slowly, almost lazily, Rasha turned to Zoe and Najima and gave them a sloppy smile. “I like to kiss girls.” She said grinning at Zoe, who blushed and looked down at her hands. 

“Shh…., Rasha.” Zoe muttered glancing up at Najima and back, her ears and face burning.

The older woman laughed softly and stood up, pressing a kiss on Rasha’s head. “I will go get a coffee and update Muhammad on what is happening.” She gave Zoe a smile and squeezed her shoulder. “I will be back in a few hours to check on you guys.”

Rasha nodded, her head bobbing and wiggled over to make space for Zoe on the bed. “Come sit with me, Zo.” She said waving to Najima as they left. Goldi and Grace walked in and gave the two of them a questioning look as Zoe settled on the bed beside Rasha. “Hi.” Rasha said brightly leaning her head against Zoe. “I feel…” She frowned and wiggled her fingers. 

“She’s stoned.” Zoe supplied with a smirk. “And, apparently, we came out to your Mom.” She said to Goldi who raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Your mom didn’t seem surprised at all. Or angry or disgusted. So I think we’re all good.” Zoe looked down at Rasha who had her eyes closed, but her fingers kept moving softly over the back of Zoe’s hand. She smiled softly at Rasha before turning back to her friends. “They’re going to take her to do an ultrasound and then a CT scan.”

“To see if I’m pregnant.” Rasha said with a goofy grin. 

Grace and Goldi held back laughter as Zoe rolled her eyes and shook her head. 

“Yes, to see if you’re pregnant.” Zoe said laughing softly. She gave Rasha a soft smile and kissed her forehead tenderly. “How are you feeling, Darling?”

Rasha rolled her head around and shrugged. “Fuzzy.” She declared as she closed her eyes and cuddled up to Zoe. “I feel fuzzy.” It wasn’t long before Rasha was sleeping heavily in Zoe’s arms. Zoe, Grace, and Goldi visited quietly, Rasha undisturbed until a nurse opened the curtain. 

“Rasha Zuabi?” She asked, mispronouncing Rasha’s last name as Zu-bye.

 

“Zu-a-bi.” Zoe corrected looking down at Rasha. “She’s pretty out of it.”  
The nurse nodded but walked to the other side of the bed and gently shook Rasha’s shoulder. “Rasha.” She prodded gently. The Syrian girl slowly opened her eyes and blinked slowly. “Hey sweetheart.” The nurse said softly. “We need to get you to radiology for an ultrasound and then your CT scan, okay?” Rasha exhaled softly and nodded before looking at Zoe.

“My girlfriend can come, right?” Rasha asked groggily, rubbing her eyes, wincing as she pulled the IV line.

Glancing between the two of them, the nurse shrugged. “I’m not sure about in the room, but she can go up with you.” She said unhooking the IV bag from the hook and moving it to one on the bed.

Zoe hopped off the bed and slid on her heels, gathering Rasha’s stuff and hers. She turned to Goldi and Grace who nodded simultaneously.

“I’ll go tell Mom where you are.” Grace said squeezing Zoe’s arm. “And let me know if you need anything.” She looked at Rasha and gave her a soft smile. “Good luck Goldielocks.” She teased softly.

Goldi leaned down and gave Rasha a tight hug. “Sawf takun ealaa ma yaram, 'in sha' allh” She whispered softly.

“Inshallah.” Rasha repeated quietly.

“Inshallah.” Zoe mumbled almost silently, blushing when she saw Grace’s look. “It means God willing.” Zoe explained.

Grace nodded silently and waited for Goldi and the two left the room, shutting the door behind them. The two girls walked in silence down the hallway and out to parking lot. “My mom will drive you home if you need to.” Grace said glancing at Goldi. The darker girl nodded silently, sitting down on the bench. They sat in silence, neither sure what to say. They were an odd pair, not friends, but drawn together by Zoe and Rasha’s relationship. Grace looked over at Goldi and waited until the other girl turned and looked at her. “You know that Zoe is good for her, right?”

Goldi nodded and adjusted her hijab. “Yeah. And I think Rasha is good for Zoe.”

“She is.” Grace agreed. “I’ve never seen Zoe happier.” Running her hands down her dark jeans, Grace stared down at her feet before looking back at Godli. “I know like...it’s hard being Muslim and having a gay housemate...but you’re okay with it?”

Glancing at Grace, Goldi shrugged. “I’m trying.”

“That’s all they can expect.” Grace replied as she got up, spotting her mother’s car. “Come on, we’ll drop you off. I’ll be coming back tonight.”

“Thanks.” Getting to her feet, Goldi grabbed her backpack and nodded. “Yeah, I guess.” Following Grace to her mother’s vehicle she slid in and shrugged. “I will be too. I’ll text you, okay?”

Grace smiled. Perhaps their friendship was forged only because of Zoe and Rasha, but at last right now, it was better than nothing at all.


End file.
